Go To Church So You Can Go Back To Your Family And Brag About It Day!
From noon till dinnertime you can just wander around the house with the most saintly swagger you can finagle from those hips.
"How you feelin'?" you can ask your wife. "Little hot?"
She'll say, "It's warm. But not too bad."
Tell her, "I feel just fine. Must be the flames of hellfire tickling at you. Me, I don't have to worry about that. Paid a visit to the big guy this morning. We're buds."
"Fuck you," she'll say. "I had a miscarriage two days ago."
Swagger off to the basement where your thirty-three year old son has been living since his wife ran off on him. Say to him, "Doing anything unchaste down here?"
He won't answer. He's watching tv and trying to stay so quiet that he can convince himself he doesn't exist.
"Me," say. "I've been unchaste as all hell this week. But no worries. Just went to church. Washed the slate clean."
Your son will look at you and say, "I don't believe in God. Do you really believe in God Dad?"
Don't answer. Instead, get into your car and go down to the Dairy Queen so you can tell the girls filling up the cones about what the Deacon had to say today.
Happy Go To Church So You Can Go Back To Your Family And Brag About It Day!