Monday, June 20, 2005

Bring Pain To Everyone Who Tries To Be A Part Of Your Life Day

Bring Pain To Everyone Who Tries To Be A Part Of Your Life Day!

Today, whenever That Special Someone tells you she thinks you're special and she's ready to throw caution to the wind and make a go of it with you, get into a barroom shoving match that escalates to a knife fight. Deliver an unstoppable leg sweep that should do nothing but win the fight for you, but when your opponent lands with the meat of his neck on a barstool, some explaining will be necessary.

You'll be tried for manslaughter. While there will be many witnesses to attest to the death being nothing more than an accident, the DA will pressure That Special Someone to testify that you started that fight with an intent to kill. When you get out of prison thirteen years from today, you'll track her down only to be introduced to your twelve and a half year old daughter. That Special Someone will explain that she was carrying your child the day of that fight, and when you went to trial the DA threatened to turn the kid over to the state upon delivery if she didn't testify against you.

"It was to give your daughter a better life you bastard," she'll bellow at you. "It's bad enough her Daddy was behind bars for 13 years and her Mommy was crying herself to sleep every night. I couldn't let her go into those foster homes that did such a number on me. I couldn't let that happen to my child."

Your daughter will be standing a few feet behind her mother, staring up at you. Tell her, "Sorry kiddo. I bring pain to everyone who tries to be a part of my life."

Your daughter will say, "I never tried. I had no choice in the matter." Then she'll kick you and her mother once each in the shin before running upstairs to listen to Staind.

"Feisty," you'll tell That Special Someone.

"In case there was any doubt she was yours," That Special Someone will say.

The two of you will kiss and everything will work out as well as it can for an ex-con trying to reenter society after thirteen years' hard time.

Happy Bring Pain To Everyone Who Tries To Be A Part Of Your Life Day!