Your Body Will Be Found Day!
Today, your body will be found by one of three people: a jogger on a moutain path, a lover coming out of the shower, or a father playing hide-and-seek.
If your body is found by a jogger on a mountain path, it means that America's long drawn-out nightmare has come to a close and we finally have the answer to the question that's kept so many of us awake and in front of the TV.
If your body is found by your lover, you'll have wandered into his or her apartment after a night spent celebrating a once-in-a-lifetime day at the track ($17,000). When your lover goes to the bathroom to shower and get ready for work, you'll stumble in with your pockets full of cash, a few pills, and a handgun and you'll pass out on your lover's bed. You'll be snoring when your lover finds you and swears out loud.
If your body is found by your father playing hide-and-seek, it's okay. Don't worry, you're only four. Keep playing, and one day you'll beat that son of a bitch so bad he'll find out what his own asshole looks like.
Happy Your Body Will Be Found Day!
