Sunday, May 29, 2005

She Likes To Play Tricks On People Day

She Likes To Play Tricks On People Day!

Thirteen year old Jezebel Gooding is being escorted away by some police officers. She made your eleven year old, Maria, believe that she had killed Jezebel when they were playing. Maria was about ready to go on the lam. Jezebel and Maria had been playing "Kiss Me Deadly" in your garage. Jezebel told Maria that if you kiss someone long enough and hard enough, you'll kill them.

"No," Maria said. "That can't be right."

Jezebel kissed Maria on the mouth, sucking the air from their mouths in between her barely parted lips. She held the kiss for as long as a minute before Maria jerked away and panted some breath into her lungs.

"See, if we kissed for any longer we'd be dead."

"Can anyone do that?" Maria asked.

Jezebel nodded and puckered her lips. Maria put her mouth to Jezebel's and sucked the air as Jezebel had. After perhaps fifty seconds, Jezebel fell to the ground of the garage.

Maria laughed. Then Maria announced that it wasn't funny. Then Maria shook Jezebel by her shoulders. Then Maria cried. Then Maria got a shovel.

She dragged Jezebel to the dirt path behind her garage and began to dig. Jezebel remained motionless. Maria dug a grave no more than a foot deep, then pulled Jezebel into it and just barely covered her in the dirt. Jezebel was smart not to throw herself up out of the grave at Maria because she knew Maria might have reacted by opening up her head with the shovel. So she just lay there, trying not to laugh at Maria's eulogy.

" I just wanted you to think I was as cool as I thought you were.
I didn't listen to you when you told me how dangerous it would be.
I'll never kiss again.
Goodbye pretty princess."

Then she kissed her palm and laid it on the mound of dirt.

Maria went up to her room and cried, and Jezebel crawled from her very shallow grave to the base of Maria's trellis. She climbed up to the window and tapped at the glass.

When Maria saw Jezebel's filthy face in the glass, she screamed at the top of her lungs. Jezebel lifted her arms like a monster, but she lost her grip and slid down the slanted roof and fell in the bushes below.

You rushed to your daughter's room and your husband went outside to help Jezebel into the house, making sure to keep her filthy body away from the couch.

Maria explained what happened and what she thought had happened. Jezebel explained that it was for fun. You just wanted to call Jezebel's mother, but your husband knew that the kind of people who would raise someone like Jezebel might be the kind of people who would sue him for whatever they could get. So he involved the police.

Now the police are taking Jezebel home to her mother. And you have to convince Maria that Jezebel's not a good friend to have. She's not gonna buy it. Plus, she's tired from all the crying. Let her go to bed. You stay up and worry.

Happy She Likes To Play Tricks On People Day!