Sunday, May 08, 2005

"Don't Worry, This Isn't My Blood" Day

"Don't Worry, This Isn't My Blood" Day!

You hate parties, but your husband is complaining that he never gets to entertain. So you consented to a dinner party tonight. He invited a coworker and his wife, your mutual friends Alex and Jane, and his squash buddy, Felix.

"But what will I talk to them about?" you asked.

He said, "Just come up with an icebreaker. Something that will get them asking you questions."

The guests are supposed to arrive at 8:30. So at 8:25 you're going to slip out the back door and paste your shirt to your torso underneath a thick layer of what will appear to be blood. You're not sure yet whether to use fake blood or not. You're going to try out the fake blood and make sure it looks real enough. If not, you'll have to get your hands on some real blood. Somehow.

After everyone's in the living room and all their glasses are full with booze, your husband will start saying how he knows you're around here someplace and you'll be down in a second. That's when you'll open the front door and close it behind you. You'll step into the vestibule where the light is good and you'll stand before them all, the "blood" red as roses and on you like a blanket. You'll hold your arms out away from your sides and you'll hold your mouth open wide like there are some words that are late coming.

Give them your icebreaker.

"Don't worry, this isn't my blood."

Then fix yourself a drink, take a seat and watch the questions come flying. The first will either be, "Whose blood is it?" or "What happened?" or "How's intellectual property law treating you these days?"

Happy "Don't Worry, This Isn't My Blood" Day!