Thursday, May 05, 2005

Tell Your Boss' Wife That Your Boss Knows About The Affair Day!

Tell Your Boss' Wife That Your Boss Knows About The Affair Day!

Tell her about the private detective with the body odor and the cowboy hat.

"He walks with a cane," say.

She'll say, "And yet he's a private detective. Then he mustn't be hired for his detective work. But rather…"

Nod. "Because he'll do what other, more graceful private detectives, refuse to do."

Tell her about the packages.

"Binoculars, road flares, a rope net wide enough to trap two people."

"Staples sells all of this stuff?" she'll ask.

"They launched a Corporate Survival department after 9/11."

Tell her how the private detective came into the office and bit a swath of the rope net, then told your boss, "I said silk polyblend."

His wife will ask what's going to happen.

"Here's the itinerary."

Give her the itinerary you printed out from Orbitz Tripplanner Notepad.

"My God," she'll say. "The private detective is going to burst into Remmington Bay Courtyard By Marriott Room 317, catch us in the net and suspend us from the ceiling from 7:15 to 7:30. Is that Courtyard by Marriot nice?"

"I reserved the Executive Suite. You'll love it. Keep reading."

"My God," she'll say. "From 7:30 to 8:45 my husband is going to come in and tell me how disappointed he is in me while we both watch the private detective slowly dismember my lover with a rancher's blade. What's this plane reservation?"

"Your husband is taking you to Turks and Caicos."

"Ooooh!" she'll say.

"The private detective told him that the two of you have to leave town, departing tonight at 10:45 PM, making one connection in Atlanta, and returning Wednesday, May 11th at 9:10 PM, so that the two of you can make amends while he disposes of the remains and wipes away any evidence of this ever having happened. You'll be staying at the Hyatt. They have a swim-up bar."

His wife will be shaking.

"There's no way to stop all this?" she'll ask.

"Everything's non-refundable and the firm gets hit with a pretty hard penalty if we alter the itinerary within 24 hours of departure. Do you not like the hotel accommodations?"

She'll say, "No. It's the connection."

Shout that that was the best flight you could get.

Say, "I'm an executive assistant, not a magician!" Then storm off.

Happy Tell Your Boss' Wife That Your Boss Knows About The Affair Day!