Tuesday, May 24, 2005

The Only Thing Keeping Me From Showing Those Kids My Asshole Is You And Our Beautiful Daughter Day

The Only Thing Keeping Me From Showing Those Kids My Asshole Is You And Our Beautiful Daughter Day!

He loves you as much as he hates being a high school math teacher. Every day it's getting worse at that school. The overgrown punks just so determined to send their lives down the toilet. They ignore your husband. They laugh at your husband. Every day your husband comes closer to doing something that will kick him out of that school and never let him come near it again.

And every night he comes home and he sees your beautiful eyes echoed in the face of that adorable little girl under a blanket in her crib. One smile from you, one nuzzle of his daughter's cheek, and he remembers what he's doing it for. To keep his family happy. To be the man they're counting on him to be.

"You listen to me," he'll say to you after dinner tonight when the baby's asleep. "You listen to me go on and on and I'm sorry. But I swear to God when they start mouthing off in that classroom sometimes I just wanna yank down my pants and spread my cheeks so the craggly brown crust of my asshole is staring them in the eyes and I'll tell him what they can mouth off into if they want. I'll tell em to lick it clean till it's as white the chalk on that chalkboard up there."

Take his head to your bosom and say, "Shhh."

"I hate teaching," he'll say.

Caress his hair and say, "Shhh."

"I swear to God," he'll say. "The only thing keeping me from showing those kids my asshole is you and that little girl upstairs."

Just hold him tight. He'll feel better in a little while. Then both of you should go upstairs and watch your daughter sleep.

Happy The Only Thing Keeping Me From Showing Those Kids My Asshole Is You And Our Beautiful Daughter Day!