Wednesday, May 18, 2005

American Storefront Day

American Storefront Day!

It's decorated with a neon Miller Hi Life sign and a live girl undulating on a pedestal in a small green bikini.

"That's the wrong color green," you'll tell the reporter. "But I think we're on the right track."

The reporter will ask you what you intended to communicate to passersby when you set about decorating your storefront.

"Delicious sandwiches," you'll say.

The reporter will begin to write that, then he'll pause and look back up at you, expectant.

You'll take a second. "And freedom?"

The reporter will nod, satisfied. Behind the glass, the live girl will lose her footing and tumble off of her pedestal. You and the reporter will hear startled yelps from inside the store.

At the hospital later this evening, the doctor will declare it an ankle fracture.

You'll ask, "When will she be able to undulate in my storefront again?"

"Seven months and three weeks," he'll say.

"Seven months and three weeks?" you'll shout.

The doctor will tell you that your live girl is not only lame, she's pregnant.

"YES!" the live girl will shout.

You're either going to have to audition new live girls or you're going to have to redesign your storefront. The 4th of July is coming up.

"I think I'll audition new live girls," you'll say to the contents of your refrigerator when you're staring into it tonight at 3 AM.

Happy American Storefront Day!