Boyfriend Races Day!
Carol has been trash-talking you all week.
"Your boyfriend will be defeated. He is a homosexual person."
"Your boyfriend," you retorted, "Was a very bad person to have sex with when he used to be my boyfriend."
Carol, without missing a beat, said, "You did not inspire him."
You ran from Carol to find Doug, your love.
"I know this is just a silly competition and it shouldn't matter to anybody, but please beat Carol's boyfriend for me today. She makes me feel so small and tired. She's been so relentless in her miserable talk that she's made me believe that my worth will be determined by what place my boyfriend finishes in the boyfriend races. I'm sorry and I still love you with all I've got. But what I've got is a little less, my baby. I'm weak. I let her take a little bit of me."
Doug will wipe a tear from your cheek with his thumb. "I will win. You will be the proudest girlfriend in the entire Yale Graduate Program For Architectural Studies."
"Oh baby," you'll say.
Just then a blow dart will fly into your boyfriend's ankle. His eyes will go back in his head and he'll fall. You have to keep the poison from reaching his heart.
Happy Boyfriend Races Day!