Monday, July 26, 2004

Your Roommate's Breast Reduction Day!

Ever since Sandy moved in she's spoken of nothing but her impending breast reduction. How much her back muscles stand to benefit, how vehemently her mother expressed her opposition, and how she can't wait to finally put on a tank top in August. You've had so little going on in your own life that you got pretty caught up in it, which is why you'll be picking her up from the clinic this afternoon.

She'll be coming out of the anesthesia and, therefore, vomiting. A nurse will wheel her to your car, but you're going to have to help her into the house. She'll need to be steadied in your arms, and her bosom will be wrapped tight in bandages (change daily) so you're in no danger of ripping the stitches. But it would be best if you could keep your hands near her hips and her waist. Best not to lift her shoulders any more than necessary.

She hasn't prepared you for how much she'll need you to care for her because she really has no idea. The vomiting should stop by early morning tomorrow, then you'll have to feed her some. It's good that you have so little going on for yourself right now. But before you get caught up in something like this again how's about you send out some resumes, yes?

Happy Your Roommate's Breast Reduction Day!