Saturday, July 03, 2004

Fat Girl Day!

The reason your new apartment is so cheap is because it was once occupied by a really fat girl who died in a fire there because no one went up to save her because she was a fat girl.

"There's a fat girl on the fourth floor. And an old man on the seventh," said the nosey old lady in the basement apartment to the firefighters.

"How fat?" asked the firefighters.

She haunts at dusk, when the light dances with shadow, when everyone and every thing settles into a cocktail and an easy chair. What she does when she haunts is she runs at full speed down the hallway and slams herself into the front door. It makes a hell of a racket. Even when the front door is open, she still launches herself at the doorway as if she has to knock the door down. And almost like there's an invisible door there, the ghost of the fat girl still ends up tumbling backwards and yelling. Every time she falls she yells, "Oh my holy God! Shit!"

But you get a lot of sun. Sign the lease.

Happy Fat Girl Day!