Your home is the battlefield. Your wife is the enemy.
Strapped from head to toe with pistols, balloon launchers, and a water-pump with backpack ammo-tank attachment, soak that little girl you married with extreme prejudice.
Whether she’s eating the breakfast she made for the two of you, whether she’s showing a house to a buyer ready to close, whether she’s in the shower, she’s going down.
Yes she’s your wife and yes she’s the reason you are what you’ve made of yourself up to today. But guess what, she’ll do it to you. If you don’t drench that lady first, she’ll turn around and she’ll look you in the eye and she’ll fucking irrigate your ass.
She might even tell you she loves you when she pulls the trigger.
Splash her in the head. Spray the crotch of her pants so it looks like she peed. Soak her white tank top and then tell her you can see her bra. Get that lady so damn wet friends and neighbors will fear that she’s lost her mind and taken a shower with her clothes on.
Shoot your wife with water.
Happy Waterguns Day!