Wednesday, July 10, 2013

You’re The Captain Of A Cruise Ship Day!

“Captain,” your first mate says. “All of the passengers are gone.”

“Gone?” you ask. “We’re in the middle of the ocean.”

“I’ve looked everywhere,” he says. “All 1,426 passengers are missing.”

Walk around the ship yelling, “Passengers! Passengers, where are you?” No one will answer.

“Well fuck!” you shout when you return to the Captain’s deck. “Everyone on shore is gonna be so mad!”

You return to shore and apologize for having lost so many family members and colleagues. You say you understand if no one ever wants to board one of your ships again.

Overnight your next cruise sells out.

“You’re our golden goose,” the chairman of the cruise company says. “Everyone assumes you sailed through a door to the next dimension. People want to know what other realms of existence are possible. You’re going to travel the exact same coordinates as you did when all your passengers went poof.”

The cruise line changes their advertising to specifically sell journeys into the unknowable. Cruise after cruise sells out until most of the North American population has disappeared and the cruise line goes bankrupt. You spend the rest of your life feeling lonely because everyone’s gone.

Happy You’re The Captain Of A Cruise Ship Day!