Turn on the news. You’re on it.
“If you’re angry about yet another day of sweltering heat, blame this guy,” the weather girl, your (newly) ex-girlfriend is saying as an unflattering photo of you in cargo shorts appears over the map.
“Wait, Cailey, are you saying that man is single-handedly responsible for the heat wave?” Sue, the anchorwoman, asks. You cheated on Cailey with Sue. “How is that possible?”
“Go fuck yourself, Sue,” Cailey says. “As I said folks, this guy is why it’s so hot outside. Here’s his address.”
Your address is on the screen. You turn off the TV just as the first brick flies through your window. There must be a hundred people outside, all of them sick to death of this heat and excited to finally do something about it.
Happy The Weather Girl Is Blaming You For The Heat Day!