Today Sam’s cheating on Joan with Mary, a library science grad student he met at a Chipotle. Joan’s cheating on Sam with Morris, some guy who owns a gun store and who is cheating on Luanne, an attorney who doesn’t realize her firm reps the mob yet. Luanne’s cheating on Morris with Kevin, a major beltway insider who is cheating on Debbie, a homemaker with a limp. Debbie is cheating on Kevin with this motherfucker with a big-ass beard who hangs out at the Muddy Deuce (they don’t use names) and who is cheating on Vivian (advertising copywriter). Vivian’s cheating on the motherfucker with a big-ass beard who hangs out at the Muddy Deuce with her favorite Starbucks barista, Pam, who’s cheating on Lisa, currently unemployed but big into clowning. Lisa’s cheating on Pam with Oliver, a guy who sells weed at the Sunoco, who is cheating on Geraldine, a disaster preparedness expert who is cheating on you. You’re not cheating on Geraldine. You love her and don’t want anyone else but her and you don’t know what you’d do if you ever found out she wasn’t true to you.
Happy All Of Them Cheaters Day!