You’re new in town and you want to meet people, so go knocking on doors in your area to see who’s home. When someone answers, say, “I want to talk about the murders.”
If there were any murders in that house, you’ll be invited in for a long, intense conversation about them, and those people will become your lifelong friends. If there aren’t any murders to talk about, you’ll be sent on your way.
Unfortunately, doing this means you run the risk of someone inviting you in to talk about a murder, and only after you’re talking about it for a while will you realize that the murder being discussed hasn’t happened yet. At that point you’ll conclude you’re the victim of the murder that’s about to happen, and you’ll jump up and stab the homeowner with the fork you were just using to eat a pastry.
With his last breath the homeowner will smile and say, “I’m glad we got to talk about the murder,” and you’ll realize he was talking about himself being murdered, that he was talking about you being the murderer, that he knew the minute you walked in you were going to be the murderer.
Still, aside from that one guy, you will make some friends.
Happy You Want To Talk About The Murders Day!