Burst into his parents’ house at dinnertime.
“He’s mine,” tell Mr. Herbert. “All mine.”
Mr. Herbert will drop his cutlery to his plate with a clank.
“The boy is going to run the hardware store,” Mr. Herbert will say.
“The boy is going to come to the city with me and marry me,” tell Mr. Herbert.
“The boy is going to do what I did and my father did before me,” Mr. Herbert will say. “The boy is a Herbert.”
Step to the table. Pick up a piece of pork chop off of Mr. Herbert’s plate. Take a bite. Drop the chop, then grab Mr. Herbert’s knife and hold it to Mrs. Herbert’s throat.
“Marilyn!” Mr. Herbert will shout. “Marilyn stay calm!”
“Let him go or Marilyn meets her maker,” shout.
“Just let the boy go!” Mrs. Herbert will shout.
“The boy will run the store, Marilyn!”
Press the knife deeper.
“For God’s sake, Lewis,” Mrs. Herbert will shout. “I want more years with you!”
“Please let my wife go,” Mr. Herbert will shout. “And let me keep my boy.”
Tell him it’s over. “And you know it,” say. “He’s going, and you can’t stop him. He’s going to leave with me, he’s going to love me, and he’s going to one day try to hold on to a boy of our own the way you’re trying to hold on to him, but he’s going to settle for holding on to me.”
Mr. Herbert will sink into his seat, let his head drop, and nod slightly.
Remove the knife from Mrs. Herbert’s throat. She’ll throw her arms around her husband. Grab the boy’s hand and yank him from his seat. Drag him out the front door and put him in the car. As you pull away, he’ll try and wave to his parents.
“Don’t wave,” tell him.
He’ll stop waving.
Happy Take Him Day!