Sunday, July 07, 2013

Get Kissed Day!

Today on the plane ride home the woman in the seat next to you is going to kiss you. She’s just going to lean over the armrest and plant her bright red lipstick on your mouth.

“I’m married,” tell her.

“Not anymore,” the flight attendant will say. She’ll be holding a special sky phone out for you to take. “It’s your wife. She knows.”

You take the phone and your wife tells you she wants the house, but custody of the kids should be shared pretty evenly. “The kids need both of us. There’s no reason they should have to suffer because you accepted that kiss.”

You hang up the phone, newly single. You lean over to kiss the woman in the next seat. She pulls away. “The moment’s passed,” she’ll say. “Besides, I don’t want to be the step-mom trying to win your kids’ affection.”

When the plane lands, a divorce attorney is waiting at the gate for you to sign papers.

“Hope getting kissed was worth it,” he’ll say.

You don’t wash the lipstick off your mouth for at least a month. That kiss is all you have left, and you don’t want to let it go.

Happy Get Kissed Day!