Monday, July 08, 2013

Convenience Store Rescue Day!

You signed up your convenience store to be on a show called Convenience Store Rescue, on which the host, a loud, alpha male who claims to be a convenience store expert, helps store owners turn things around for their businesses.

“What’s the problem with the store?” he asks in the parking lot.

“It’s been kidnapped,” you tell him. You point to the spot on the ground where the store used to be. “They said they want a million dollars or the store gets killed.”

The host walks around the parking lot. “First of all, you need to repaint the spaces on this parking lot.”

You tell him your wife was working in the store when it was kidnapped. She’s still inside it and time is running out.

“Also, that sign. You got the wrong bulbs in there. Lighting is key to get people on the road to pull in and check you out.”

You tell him that they put the store on the phone earlier and it was screaming.

“I can get you a deal on Techsmoke Electronic Cigarettes. You need new, younger clientele. E-Cigs are the way to go.”

You ask him if he’s going to do anything to rescue your store from kidnappers, or if he’s just going to make marketing suggestions.

“Don’t worry,” he says as a helicopter lands. He hops inside and picks up a machine gun. “I’ll rescue your store. And I’ll make sure they pay for what they did.”

“Think you Convenience Store Rescue Man!” you shout as he flies away, en route to bring your store back safe, ready to make those kidnappers feel worse than the hot dogs on your store’s spinning heat rollers.

Happy Convenience Store Rescue Day!