Saturday, February 25, 2006

Turnstile Hopper Day!

Today you're going to hop the turnstile for the very first time. You're not poor. But whenever you look into the eyes of all the poor kids who hop the turnstile you can see a fire there. While everyone else is just counting the stops until they come to theirs, the poor kids can barely sit still they're so excited because their train ride could have cost them way more than the two bucks they bailed on. They steal their rides, and they savor every last minute of them.

Today you're gonna find out what it feels like to cherish something as base and irritating as a ride on public transportation. You're gonna hop the turnstile and march down to the platform trying not to look over your shoulder to see if anyone's about to grab you. When you make it to the platform an attractive woman will ask you whether she can stand with you, explaining that she's not feeling very safe down there and being next to you will make her feel like she is where she belongs. "You can put your arm around me if you like," she'll say. "I'd appreciate it. I bet your arm over my shoulder will feel like a warm, bulletproof poncho." Put your arm around her, but don't try anything because whatever you start, it won't last. She'll just be reacting to the glow of a man who's stealing every moment of his life as if it were a diamond. Once you climb back up to street-level, you'll just be another guy with his eyes on the sidewalk hoping to get home before someone tries to address him by his first name.

Happy Turnstile Hopper Day!