Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Break Into Your Son's School And Steal His Finger-Painting Day!

Your son's art teacher isn't hanging his work prominently enough, and you let her know it at the last Parent's Night.

"How do you hang them?" you asked. "Alphabetically? Because my son's name comes early in the alphabet."

She said, "That is correct. Your son's name places him very high alphabetically. Unfortunately, his talent places him way at the bottom of the wall behind where we usually prop the door open."

"Nice encouragement," you said.

"Your son can be encouraged by his math and science teachers," she said. "I'll reserve my encouragement for those students who demonstrate a talent that might benefit from it."

"A lot of people probably said that about Munch and Van Gogh. Maybe. I'm not sure. But my point is, now people are breaking into the Louvre to steal their paintings."

His teacher chuckled. "It's safe to say no one will be breaking into the school to steal your son's finger-painting off the wall."

At that, all of the other parents laughed. And you vowed to make her eat those words. Which is why tonight you're going to break into the school and snatch your son's finger-painting off the wall. Tomorrow his teacher will see that your son's was the only painting stolen, the only item stolen from the entire school in fact. It will be clear that the theft of that painting was the sole purpose of the break-in. But instead of reevaluating your son's talent in light of his work having apparently been snatched by a skilled crew of globe-trotting art thieves, the art teacher will swiftly direct the police in your direction since she'll remember her conversation with you on Parents' Night. Have an alibi ready because the questioning will not come gently.

Happy Break Into Your Son's School And Steal His Finger-Painting Day!