Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Bump Into Your Casual Encounter The Day After Day!

Tonight you're going to go and get an AIDS test at a facility that occupies the rear half of a gay bookstore slash coffee shop. When you step out to the waiting area to wait for the results, you'll nearly scream when you see your casual encounter from last night.

You threw caution to the wind yesterday and placed an online casual encounter ad ("ski bunny seeks instructor for cocaine abuse and fucking.") Within a few hours, an unattractive man was at your door with cocaine in his pocket and a penis in his pants that could maintain an erection for as long as 40 seconds at a stretch. The sex was abysmal and sort of hilarious, and the cocaine was powerful and you ran out too soon. This morning wasn't a good one.

You had expected to never see each other again. Instead, you'll accidentally find yourselves on a second date at the AIDS clinic.

"Don't tell me," you'll say.

"I DON'T KNOW YET!" he'll shout.

"Neither do I," say.

"You sure?!" he'll shout.

"You think I'd lie?" say.

He'll say, "I don't know. You're a cokehead."

Say, "Fuck you. You're the one who gave me the coke."

He'll say, "And you sure did do enough of it. I had to hold you back just to get enough time for me to blow a single rail. You're an addict."

Say, "Fuck you."

He'll say, "You better not have given me AIDS."

Say, "If anyone gave anyone AIDS, it's you who gave it to me."

The two of you will go on like that until the nurse pops out the door and tells your casual encounter that he tested negative for HIV. He'll put on his jacket and make for the door.

"Wait," you'll say. "Don't you want to find out whether I'm negative?"

He'll say, "What do I care? Even if you're positive I was already told I was negative."

Say, "Yeah but wouldn't you want to know? If I was positive, wouldn't you want to know so you could come back and get tested again soon? In case it doesn't show up until later?"

He'll say, "Fuck." Then he'll slump into his chair and wait with you for your test results. The only time either of you will speak is when he says again, "You better not have given me fucking AIDS."

It's good to have someone by your side at times like these.

Happy Bump Into Your Casual Encounter The Day After Day!