Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Sharktalkers Day!

You and your wife are marine biologists who make money by sailing around the Caribbean waters of island resorts and sending roving sharks out to sea by pummeling them with sound waves below 1,000 hertz, irritating them enough to distract them from all the kicking legs by the shoreline.

Yesterday your wife found little umbrellas in your bed and she knew that you had slept with one of the 19 year old Daiquiristas at the swim-up bar. She just wants to know which one, but you're denying everything. Today, you're going to feel a starboard bump on your boat. You're going to look down and see about a dozen sharks circling close to you. Your wife will have changed her sound frequency and told them the whole story. They always liked her better. And now they're out to avenge her honor.

"Her name!" your wife will shout from her boat.

"Call them off Suzanne! This is not how you want to do this!"

"Her name!" she'll call again. "They're growing impatient."

"Goddammit!" you'll shout. Before you can say more a shark will fling his nose up onto your boat and grab the cuff of your jeans in his teeth. You'll hear your wife scream. Then things will happen fast.

Happy Sharktalkers Day!