Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Sledding With Your Prosecuting Attorney Day!

They postponed your trial today because of the snow. Things aren't looking good for you and this might be the last snowfall you will ever be able to enjoy as a free man. Don't let it go to waste. Grab your sled and climb that hill.

For the first few drops, you'll be completely alone and it will be glorious. When you're searing down that hill at what feels like mach speed you'll swear you never even heard the words "Conspiracy To Commit Bank Fraud." After about an hour you'll see a guy on an inner tube sailing down the next hill over. His tube will travel much faster than your sled. But he will also have to be careful not to flip over with every rubbery bounce.

You'll start taking turns. One of you will drop and the other will watch, waiting to give a thick, be-gloved "Thumbs Up" when the sledder starts his climb back up the hill. You'll end up sledding for far longer than you'd intended because you won't want to cut short the camaraderie. But eventually you'll have to go because your sister's coming into town later this evening to initiate the paperwork necessary for her to assume custody of your children.

You'll wave your arms back and forth in front of you, like an umpire calling "Safe" when you're ready to split. You and he will trudge towards each other through the snow to say goodbye. When you're close enough to get a look at each other's eyes peeking out from beneath hats and above scarves, you'll see that you've been sledding with the assistant district attorney who's been trying to put you in jail for the last month and a half. He'll see that he's been sledding with the crooked CFO whose attempt to plea-bargain down to mail fraud he refused under pressure from his bosses to make headlines.

"Oh," you'll say.

He won't say anything. He'll hook his arm through his inner tube and walk off in the opposite direction. Tomorrow in the courtroom he'll do all he can to avoid making eye contact with you. It will be fun if, when you take the stand and he cross-examines you, you pepper all of your responses with winter sports analogies. "Running a fortune 500 company is not unlike mastering the slalom�" Stuff like that.

Happy Sledding With Your Prosecuting Attorney Day!