Sunday, February 19, 2006

Go Tell The Zebra Day!

There's a zebra at the zoo that you like to run things by whenever you think it's time to move out of you and your girlfriend's apartment.

"I'm gonna move out," you'll say to the zebra today. "The spark's gone."

The zebra won't give you any input. He'll wander away from you to a child who is holding out a palm full of feed. Go over to where the child is feeding the zebra and say, "You think I'm doing the wrong thing don't you?"

The zebra will just eat the feed in the child's hand.

The zebra doesn't like to just come right out and give a command. He likes to let you figure things out on your own. He's like Socrates or Ol' Ben Kenobi in that regard. You have to get him to help you in a more roundabout manner.

"Tell you what," say to the zebra. "If you think I should move out of my apartment with my girlfriend, say in English, I think you should move out of your apartment with your girlfriend. That well is dry. Just say those words, in the English language, and my bags are packed before dinnertime. I'll give you four hours."

Wait by the fence for four hours. The Zebra will wander around the grass occasionally eating the feed from people's hands. He'll go into his little cavern for about an hour or so. At one point a different zebra will come walking by that you'll mistake for the zebra you like to talk to. But then your zebra will show himself and you'll feel silly. Finally, the four hours will be up and the zebra will not have said, "I think you should move out of your apartment with your girlfriend. That well is dry," in English.

"All righty," say to the zebra. "I just hope it works out this time."

Then go home to your girlfriend and give it another shot. You do this every five weeks or so, and the zebra is always there to let you pretend that the decision to stay in this relationship is completely out of your hands. Zebras are real good that way.

Happy Go Tell The Zebra Day!