Sunday, September 21, 2003

Your Guardian Angel Is Loaded Day!

It's been a hard week, what with you all of a sudden deciding that looking both ways when you cross the street is for homos. You're not the only corporeal being he's gotta look out for you know. Your guardian angel has got two others on his roster, and one is a speed freak for God's sake.

Additionally, angels don't line up trying to get on guardian detail. It's a pre-requisite if you've been declared an L9. L9 means you were kind of a cunt on Earth, usually selfish, sometimes just emotionally unavailable. And while it's not a crime in itself, almost of them were abusers of some kind of substance or other. Anyway, if you meet a guardian angel, you can bet your ass he's got a lot of regrets about how he handled his life on Earth. And God doesn't wipe those regrets away neither. Being a guardian is kind of a punishment. The assignment is given to Angels who don't wanna do nothing but brood over themselves and all the mistakes they've made, but they're charged with the responsibility of paying attention to the every movement of others and preventing those mistakes.

And once everyone on his roster is steered clear of uncovered manholes, your guardian angel has no choice but to go home, sit in his recliner, and get fucking blitzed to stop thinking about all the times he said no when he was too much of a pussy to say yes. And to stop thinking about the fact that all he has left is an eternity in the wake of a life just barely lived.

Now why don't you try not to fuck up for a little while? Let him cry in his recliner.

Happy Your Guardian Angel Is Loaded Day!