Sunday, September 14, 2003

The Aunt Your Dad Cut Off Is Dead Day!

That's what that call was this morning at nine. No message, of course. But he'll call back. Your Dad will call and say, "Just want to let you know that, uh, your Aunt Elena. She passed away this week."

You'll say, "Oh God." And then you'll hope your Dad will talk again before you have to concoct some way to react to the death of a blood relative who has been forbidden to contact you since you were six.

Your Dad will say, "Yeah she had a stroke in her sleep. Or, actually just before she got to bed. Your cousin Jimmy found her."

Just wait for a second. Or say something like, "Jesus, Aunt Elena. It's so..." but use a tone that your Dad understands. A tone that says, "What the fuck did she do anyway, that you would cut your own sister off for the last 25 years of her life?" The tone will make your Dad laugh a bit, because your Dad can't believe he pulled it off either.

He'll chuckle a bit more just before he tells you, "So the funeral's tomorrow. I'm paying for it." Here's where he laughs out loud.

He'll tell you you're welcome to come but he understands that you have to work. But he will point out that he's using the caterers from your cousin Michael's wedding, who were awesome.

Happy The Aunt Your Dad Cut Off Is Dead Day!