Thursday, September 11, 2003

Cut Off Your Shoes Day!

You can smell your stinky feet from under your desk which means everyone who comes over to ask you a question can too. It's your shoes. You have to get rid of them.

To discard them in a brisk, clean manner, you don't want to touch the laces to untie them again. Every time your skin touches your shoes, that odor seeps a little further into your elemental being. Make today the day you put a stop to the rotting.

Be seated and put your right foot up on the desk, then hack through your ankle with a meat cleaver. This should not take more than ninteen or so swings. Once the cut is clean, get your left foot up on the block and again, slam a cleaver down upon your ankle over and over again until your foot flies from your leg and across your desk. Remember, no matter how sharp your cleaver might be, once you hit the bone all you're really trying to do is shatter it. You might as well be using a hammer really.

Once both your feet and shoes have been cleanly severed from your legs, light a match and get the hell out of there.

Happy Cut Off Your Shoes Day!