Saturday, September 20, 2003

And Then Laura Walks In Day!

You light some candles and then you go back into the kitchen to check on the roast your mother told you how to cook over the phone (your mom ain't dead like everyone else's and she's very excited about your decision regarding Laura). It's almost done. It looks almost exactly like the picture you saw on that website.

You go into the bedroom to change out of your tee shirt and into your pretty shirt, the blue one you always wear to weddings. Laura always says how proud she is to walk inside weddings with her arm hooked through yours when you're wearing that blue shirt.

You look at yourself in the full-length mirror and you let yourself take a moment to acknowledge that you look older than you did when you were younger. "But so does Laura. In fact, she's gained ten pounds since 1998," you say out loud. Time to take a seat at the empty dining room table and practice sending some pleas over the candlelight.

"Be my wife Laura. C'mon! Laura. Laaaauuuuuuuuraaaaaaaaaaa. Beeeeeee myyyyyyyyy wiiiiiiiiiife."

Take a sip of wine. Then,

"C'mon! We rule."

Now is when your should get down on your knees and take her hands in yours. Until Laura walks in, practice with the cat. Sit Mesopotamia on Laura's chair and take her paws in your hands.

"What do you wanna do, hit me and see if I can take all you got to give? Is that it Mesopotamia?"

Use Laura's name, even though you're talking to Mesopotamia.

"What do you wanna do, Laura? Wanna just hit me in the face and see if I can take all you got to give, Laura? Is that it Laura?"


Okay, let Mesopotamia go. You're ready. So you drink a few glasses of gin, no ice, no mixer, just straight gin, and then Laura walks in and you ask her what then fuck took her so motherfucking long. Storm out.

Happy And Then Laura Walks In Day!