Thursday, September 18, 2003

The Clean Woman Day!

Not to be confused with The Cleaning Woman, who is, ironically enough, filthy. No, today The Clean Woman is dead and her body is at The Undertaker's. She has already been washed of the vomit she had expelled down her chest when she died, and her hair is presently being rinsed.

The Undertaker uses an entirely incorrect soap and he scrubs in a most damaging semi-circular motion. This marks the first time The Clean Woman is being washed wrong since she was six, when her mother passed away beside the tub whilst giving her a bath. Just a little girl in a giant clawfoot tub, The Clean Woman had been used to being lifted from the water to the bathmat. But she had to run for help, so she climbed atop the edge of the tub and stepped down upon her dead mother's hip like a little stepstool. But her dead mother's frame adjusted under her weight and The Clean Woman lost her balance and her wet naked body tumbled atop her mother's corpse. Then she picked herself up, found a towel and fetched her father. Since that day, The Clean Woman has been very particular about her washing. And until today, there was never anyone trying to butt in and interfere.

Happy The Clean Woman Day!