Sunday, September 15, 2002

Wonder What It's Like To Be Friends With Bryan Adams Day!

You would be the exact same person that you are right now; the same job, the same spouse, the same regrets and fury towards one particularly smug motherfucker of a sibling. Everything about you would be just as it's always been, except that you happen to be friends with Bryan Adams. It just sounds so fucking weird.

Celebrities often have a few friends who are not celebrities. Like let's say you're a pretty successful lumber supplier in New Hampshire and Bryan Adams wanted to put a deck on his New Hampshire home using some kind of, like, really rare wood or something. So a friend of a friend recommended you to Bryan Adams and you two ended up hitting it off so that you get invited to his parties whenever he's in New Hampshire or whenever you make it down to Boston, Massachusetts or something.

It's just so weird because he would be your only celebrity friend but you couldn't even brag about it. Like if you wanted to namedrop him at a party and you said, "Yeah I'm really enjoying my friend Bryan's new album." And everyone at the party would know you're just trying to namedrop somebody but the host would try to be polite and ask, "Bryan who?" and she would hope you would just hurry up and drop the name and no one would pursue the topic and the party might not thud to a miserable halt. And you'd say, "Bryan Adams. You should buy the album. It's really great." Then everyone would just look at each other for a second before someone asked, "You know Bryan Adams?" And you'd say, "Yeah." And someone else would say, "Really?" And you'd say, "Yeah." And then no one would know what to say because they'd all be just so wigged the fuck out.

Happy Wonder What It's Like To Be Friends With Bryan Adams Day!