Saturday, September 21, 2002

When The One You Love Pulls Up Out Front To Take You To The Movies, Egg The Shit Out Of His Or Her Car Day!

Invite all your friends over, the ones who don't work on Saturdays so you can all meet up at your place around three pm and get super high. Eventually, someone will remember that no one bought any eggs yet and you'll spend around an hour or so devising a mind-numbingly complex democratic process for declaring who must go to the store. Then you'll remember it's kind of autumny outside and the walk to the store is gonna be awesome so you'll volunteer.

The walk to the store ends up being far more beautiful than you ever could have dreamed. In fact, while they're passing, those twenty six minutes feel like the happiest and most loving twenty six minutes of your entire life, and you take a lot of baths. You know you're high, so you stop in the middle of the street at one point to try to let the moment seep into your clothes and make them smell like the present so tomorrow you can remember how it was and see if your sober self can look back on it without scoffing.

Buy the eggs and walk home. Then you and your friends should wait for the one you love to pull up outside then everyone should jump out of bushes and hang out of windows and just pummel the living shit out of the car with eggs. Go "Whooo!" a lot and scream stuff like, "You're dead you fuck!" Eventually, he or she will get out of the car and attack one of you.