Wednesday, September 11, 2002

Kick Something Naked Out Of Your Bed Day!

If you're smaller than the naked thing and can't actually kick it out of your bed, just scream. Wail and sob and pound on the wall until it stops running around in circles on the bedspread or saying bullshit like "But I'm your wife" or "But I paid you 200 dollars" and finally just scurries away to find socks or food. Make sure to get your head out from under the pillow when the Little Mr. or Ms. Nudie Nudie goes running for the door because some things look awesome without any clothes on. Others don't. Either way, we'd look if we were there. What are you depressed? You get bonus points if the naked thing you send running is an Uncle by the way.

Pets count today, but not for much, since pets are always naked. Unless you're fucking disgusting and you dress up your pets in little outfits just so you can slowly undress them while holding their gaze with a look of trust and wonderment. But yeah, you can use your pet for this one if you just wanna go through the motions. Like saying Grace at dinner really fast so it's all one word. But if you aren't sincere about your observance of today you will burn in hell you know that right?

And of course, you yourself can sub in as the naked thing. Just take off all your clothes and lay down and then tell yourself you're disgusting and hit yourself in the face really hard a lot of times until you wriggle and roll out onto the floor. And again, I know a lot of people wake up this way every morning so make sure when you do it you're doing it because you want to be a good person.

Last time this day came around, one guy decided to be funny and kicked a naked sex doll out of his bed. While this counts, and it's really funny, that guy committed suicide not long after. He hanged himself.

Happy Kick Something Naked Out Of Your Bed Day!