Fat Kid Day!
Is there a fat little kid in your life? Well tell him so. He'd tell you. He's a fat kid. He'll be as cruel as he can to anyone and anything just to make himself feel a little better about all that hideous fat all over his body.
Just go up to him and empty out his milk carton all over his salisbury steak. Then poke his oversized sweatshirt in the chest and whisper through your teeth, "Fatso." Then slam his head into the table over and over again until you hear a crack that might be the table or might be twenty to life. Then get the hell outta there.
Happy Fat Kid Day!