Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Quit Drinking Day!

You and your three buddies are starting to think it’s time to quit drinking.

“What should we do with the time we used to spend drinking?” one of your buddies asks.

“Help the poor I guess,” you say.

You start helping the poor every night, staying out all night long helping them find food and shelter and healthcare and whatnot.

“This isn’t as fun as drinking,” one of your buddies says. “And I can remember everything the next day, even though I wish I couldn’t.”

“Let’s try helping the rich,” you say.

You and your buddies go out at night and stay out until dawn helping the rich find exciting new restaurants and underground sex clubs where they can watch beautiful prostitutes engage in unimaginable acts.

“I still dug drinking more than this,” one of your buddies says.

“Should we help the middle class?” you suggest.

You stay out all night helping the middle class deal with things like property taxes, local crime, and how best to invest so that they might have something to retire on one day.

“This is worst of all,” one of your buddies says.

“We tried,” you say.

You and your buddies go out drinking, just like you used to. You help no one. No one.

Happy Quit Drinking Day!