Saturday, September 07, 2013

Be The First Volunteer Day!

The government just announced that they want to start one of those programs where humans are put in comas in little pods scattered across a giant wall and they’re used as an energy source or something and they need volunteers.

“Meeeeeeee!” you shout.

Everyone turns their heads to look at you.

“You know he means like in The Matrix, right?” a friend says.

“I know!” you shout. “Amazing right? Finally!”

“Amazing?” your friend says. “Are you crazy?”

You’re starting to think The Matrix wasn’t a horror movie about a bunch of people who were finally getting enough sleep until some asshole rebels came and started waking them up.

“This could be the end of civilization,” your friend insists.

“So this is our last chance to get some sleep!” you say, jumping out of your chair and raising your hand higher.

Before you can ask if you can bring your pillow from home, agents seize you, drag you into a medical facility, and numb your medulla with a needle jabbed up under your skull. As your functions begin shutting down you feel like you might finally get a good eight hours for the first time in forever.

Happy Be The First Volunteer Day!