Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Maureen Day!

To prove you’re the man for Maureen, you’re going to jump a motorcycle across a gorge.

“What if you die?” a news reporter asks.

The jump is to prove you deserve Maureen, that the love you feel is true and that you are the man for her. If you don’t make it across the gorge, that means your love is false, that Maureen is meant to be with someone else.

“And I’d rather be dead at the bottom of that gorge than live in a world where Maureen is meant to be with another man,” you say.

The news reporter asks you to tell him what it is about Maureen that inspired you to buy this motorcycle this morning, learn how to turn on the ignition, and then declare that you’re going to jump it over a gorge as an expression of your heart’s desire.

“She’s the prettiest waitress I ever saw,” you tell him. “When I saw her last night, carrying a tray of drinks to my table, I knew she was the one.”

The news reporter asks if you’re drunk right now.

“Very,” you say.

Just then you see Maureen in the crowd. You run to her.

“Maureen,” you shout. “You made it!”

“Marina,” she corrects you.

You’re terrible with names.

“Also, that jukebox must have been cranked up to the max,” you explain. “Anyway, when I jump to the other side of that gorge, that means we’re meant to be together.”

“You live in a house?” she asks.

You tell her you rent.

“Good enough,” she says. “The jump’s not necessary. You can have me.”

“No,” you say. “You’ll see. This jump will prove we’re more than just settling for each other. This jump will prove we’re destined for each other.”

After asking the sign painters to change the banner from “Jump For Maureen” to “Jump For Marina,” you hop on the bike, give the thumbs up to the news cameras, speed over the lip of the gorge and plummet quickly to the distant bottom. Marina watches with a frown as they hose you off of the rocks.

Happy Maureen Day!