Jeff, your coworker, just fell out the window while reenacting a scene from a Vin Diesel movie he watched on demand last night, and you grabbed his hand just in time. He’s dangling twelve stories above the sidewalk and the only thing keeping him alive is you.
“Hold on to him,” someone whispers in your ear, which is weird because you’re alone in the room.
“Who is that?” you ask the empty room.
“A ghost,” the voice says. “I haunt this conference room.”
You ask the ghost if she’s Jeff’s guardian angel.
“Kind of,” she says. “I do what I can to keep Jeff from dying, but only because no one wants to have to deal with him in the afterlife. Jeff’s an a-hole.”
You’re stunned. “I know, right?”
“Who are you talking to?” Jeff shouts from outside.
“Shut up!” you and the ghost shout, though he only hears you.
“Just keep him alive for a few more years,” the ghost says. “It might suck having to work with him, but imagine knowing you’re going to deal with his shit for an eternity.”
You tell the ghost you’ll do what you can. Down below you see the fire department setting up a net.
“You owe me when I die, though!” You tell the ghost.
“You bet,” the ghost says.
You hold onto Jeff just long enough to let him drop safely into the net assembled below. When you see Jeff later he calls you a homo for holding his hand so long, then he invites everyone in the office to go out for shots to celebrate him being still alive. No one responds to the invite.
Happy Hold On To Jeff Day!