Today you're going to make your TV debut on a new series from HBO documentary programming called, American Visions: Homeless People Getting Set On Fire. The show uses hidden cameras to capture people when they sneak up on homeless people while they're sleeping and set them on fire. You appear midway through the show. You're seen creeping up on a homeless mother and her two young sons (six and eight) underneath an overpass. There's a young woman with you (not your wife). You're both in evening attire and you're holding a can of barbecue lighter fluid. The narrator explains that it's three AM and you appear to have just finished a night on the town, but before you and your companion (again, not your wife, everyone can tell) retire for the evening, you decided to visit the dark, unused road underneath an overpass to see if there are any homeless people that you can set on fire.
You and your companion giggle while you spray the lighter fluid on the family of three. When you toss the match and the flames explode all over them, the mother and one of the sons will jump to their feet and start running around screaming. The other son will stay on the ground, not moving, which will indicate that the boy already died in the night but his mother doesn't even know it yet because she's on fire.
You'll be laughing hysterically while they run around trying to put out the flames. It will look really bad for you, as you have several office spaces to show tomorrow (you are a real estate broker for office plazas and other business holdings). Your clients will all recognize you and they'll tell you that you came off really horribly on that show and that they won't be able to bring your proposal to their investors because some of them might be offended by the fact that you set homeless families, some with dead children, on fire. You'll explain that you tried to get them to pull the clip, but the law apparently doesn't protect the privacy of people who commit unspeakable acts of senseless violence, especially against dead children. You'll add, 'But what about the HBO cameramen? Why don't they stop anybody from setting the fires? All they do is watch.' Your client will wish you good luck and you'll lose another sale. It's going to be rough going until HBO stops running your episode and people forget all about your appearance. Until then, be thankful you've got that nest-egg of savings to fall back on. It's important to save money because you never know when you're going to get caught on TV setting a family of three (one already deceased at the age of six) on fire.
Happy You're On TV Day!