Wednesday, July 19, 2006

You're Evicted Day!

When you come home from work today, you'll find an eviction notice taped to your front door. When you call your landlord to ask if it's because you have X-ray vision, he'll tell you that as a matter of fact, several of your neighbors have complained about it. Make a stink.

'SO I AM BEING PERSECUTED FOR BEING DIFFERENT FROM MY NEIGHBORS!' exclaim.

Your landlord will suggest that since having X-ray vision doesn't make you smell differently and it doesn't make you make any noises or anything, perhaps you could have refrained from telling everyone you met that you have it.

'SO I SHOULD HIDE WHO I AM IN A CLOSET?' ask, using a very loud voice. 'WOULD YOU ASK A MASTER PIANIST TO KEEP HIS TALENT HIDDEN FROM THE WORLD? OR AN EXCELLENT COOK?'

Your landlord will say that when people find out that a man is a pianist or a cook, they don't automatically want to run from his line of vision because they know he can see through their clothes.

'They think you're watching them through their walls and doors,' your landlord will say.

Reply, loudly, 'OF COURSE I AM!'

Your landlord will say that people like their privacy, then he'll ask what color the walls are in 2B.

'PERIWINKLE!' exclaim.

'I told that bastard not to paint,' your landlord will say. 'Sorry freak. You gotta get out by the end of the month.'

'YOUR DICK IS UGLY,' exclaim.

Happy You're Evicted Day!