Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Dandruff Day!

As the old saying goes, 'You don't cut off your head to get rid of dandruff.' What this means is dandruff is a reflection of fallen morals and lack of education, and cutting off your head might drench your shoulders in all that gushing red blood and wash away those hideous gales of white flakes, but your friends and family will still remember you as a perverted fool who always got swindled by amputee hookers (your 'thing') because you weren't bright enough to handle cash transactions.

If you want to get rid of dandruff, you're going to have to do it the old fashioned way. Studying! Also, you'll have to give up the prostitutes and stop videotaping up women's skirts in public parks. At first, you won't see any dissipation in the flakes, and you'll want to throw your books into a public toilet and then pull them back out and have sex with the mound of wet pages. Don't! It's working! It just takes time.

Dandruff doesn't go away until it becomes clear that you really are on the road becoming a smarter, less disgusting person. Dandruff has seen too many people like you try and fail to turn their backs on vice and ignorance. Show dandruff that you mean business. Get that GED, cancel your weekly appointment at the 'cheaper pleasure dungeon' off of Route 5, and before you know it wearing black shirts out in public will feel as natural as the fact that sometimes you just have to swallow Astroglide.

Happy Dandruff Day!