You're going to lose your orgasm contest today because competition will commence right after you get a call from your catsitter telling you that your cat must have died in the middle of the night because when she showed up he was lying there on the living room floor with some bubbles coming out of his mouth. You hired the catsitter to take care of your cat while you were in San Francisco for the competition. Once you find out that your cat died, you'll feel sort of selfish not having been there for him on his last days just so you could prove to the world that you can have more orgasms in a short period of time than anybody. Since you'll be in mourning, you'll only come five times. Not even enough to get you into the winners' circle. You're gonna go home a failure and everyone's gonna say "I told you so" again, except this time you don't even have a cat to love.
Happy Orgasm Contest Day!