Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Some Binder Clips, A Three-Hole Punch, And One Man's Ring Finger Day!

Today when you start rooting through the desk at the job where you're temping, in the bottom left-hand drawer you'll find some binder clips, a three-hole punch, and one man's ring finger with a wedding band still on it. You'll take out some binder clips because that's what you were looking for in order to bind together the printouts of the Powerpoint presentation that your supervisor will be delivering at three today.

Once the three o-clock meeting starts, the floor will be almost completely deserted and you'll have nothing to do but wait for the phone to ring and occasionally take a peek at the man's ring finger lying at the bottom of your desk drawer. It won't look discolored, except the caked and dried blood at the knuckle will look black. But it definitely will look to have been recently severed.

Your concern will be whether or not to tell someone about what you found. If you were to ask your temp agency, they would recommend that you keep quiet. This firm has some heavy temp traffic and you don't want to be labled as a Nosey Nadeen and risk them not bringing you back for fear of you searching every desk they seat you at for severed appendages. Just stay mum and split at five. It's only a one-day assignment.

Or so you'll think. Tonight you'll get a call that they'd like you to come back for another day. You've been dead broke ever since your ex-boyfriend used your credit card to play out his online gambling downward spiral (he shot himself with a rifle) so you need the assignment. Trouble is, tomorrow, when you finally look into the drawer the finger will be gone. In its place will be a single-panel Dilbert cartoon. In the cartoon, Dilbert will have gotten his hand caught in a giant bear trap after reaching into somebody's bag lunch in the community fridge. The owner of the bag lunch will be saying to Dilbert, "Considering How Long I Spent Making That Tuna Salad, I'd Say You Got Off Easy." But scrawled in red marker across the cartoon will be the message: "KEEP YOUR FILTHY TEMP NOSE OUT OF OTHER PEOPLE'S BUSINESS OR YOU'RE DEAD!"

Honestly, you've been temping for a while and you should have known better. Just get your timesheet signed and mind your beeswax.

Happy Some Binder Clips, A Three-Hole Punch, And One Man's Ring Finger Day!