Thursday, July 06, 2006

Build A Spaceship Day!

You've been in love with your best friend ever since you two met in high school, but she's always had boyfriends that were athletic and angry. You wish you could tell her how you feel, but you're afraid that she'll be scared away from you and then not only will she refuse to be your girlfriend, but she'll stop being your best friend too. You're going to have to make her fall for you on her own. You're going to have to build a spaceship.

Girls choose their guys based on who is more likely to be able to protect them should fiery beasts rise up from the earth's core and lay waste to the sunlit land. If you have a spaceship, you'll be more attractive than the rich guys with the private planes because eventually those planes will run out of gas and will have to return to the earth's surface. But if you can get into outer space, you don't need gas to keep floating. You just need oxygen to keep breathing. Tell any girls who ask that you have enough oxygen to survive up there for fifty years. Don't tell them that you only have enough for 20 hours.

Lots of girls will come running when they see your spaceship. They'll put on bikinis and pound on the hatch to be let in. But your best friend will calmly wait at the back of the crowd, admiring your achievement and marveling at all the women who suddenly want your hotness in their hands. You'll be able to tell from the look on her face that she's kind of upset that she might not be number one on your list anymore. Let her see you date other women for three months before you finally tell her that you built the spaceship for you and her to get away from the resurrected gargantu-worms, should they ever rise to the surface. After she kisses you, tell her the spaceship doesn't work because you're not "gadgety." She'll understand because she loves you now.

Happy Build A Spaceship Day!