Lou, who loves you, has to leave you.
“But we have weddings to go to,” tell him. “I have to go alone?”
Lou, who loves you, has to save the world. He’s the only one who can save it.
“It’s written in a scroll or something,” he’ll say. He’ll show you the scroll. It will say, “The world will end in the year 2013, unless it’s saved by this guy named Lou, who loves [your full name with middle initial] who lives at [your address] and has the social security number [your social security number] and the following three secrets [your secret about the thing you heard your dad say to your mom when your mom was crying, your secret about the time you stole a hat full of money from a street busker, and your secret about the time you pulled over at a car crash before any help was there, and then drove away without doing anything even though the driver was unconscious.]”
“You love me?” ask him.
He never said it before. Seeing it in that scroll is the first time the word even entered the space between you two. Lou, who loves you, will nod.
“Yeah,” he’ll say. “And I love you so much, I don’t even care if the world ends. As long as we’re together!”
“I’m so glad you feel that way!” you’ll shout, as you hug him and the two of you go into your bedroom, putting all that “saving the world” silliness behind you as you have the kind of sex people have when they recently decided they love each other. The world will end a few days later. Thanks, dick.
Happy The World Has To Be Saved By Lou, Who Loves You Day!
