There’s a marching band behind you, Ella.
They’re playing that anthem just for you.
Today’s the day you settle for a boy.
Today’s the day you know just exactly who you are.
You know your limits and how much you should expect from a boy.
Looks-wise, he’s just handsome enough for you.
Money-wise, he’s just rich enough for you.
Personality-wise, you wish he was less grim sometimes, and he wishes the same about you.
You both have manageable addictions and you enable each other perfectly.
Neither of you wants to be bitter but both of you are and you hate that about yourselves together and it’s wonderful.
Your bad breath. His weird patch of hair on his neck just above his collar line. His lack of interest in any art beyond pop culture. Your propensity for skin cancer.
Flaw for flaw, he’s your boy and you’re his girl.
There are better boys than him out there, and there are better girls than you and you hope they all find each other.
Ella, you are playing in your league. It’s time to go for MVP.
March to your anthem, Ella.
March into his embrace.
His arms are a good length. You fit.
Happy Settle For Him Ella Day!
