Thursday, August 29, 2013

Alien Detection Glasses Day!

You’re a lonely old man who wears a pair of alien detection glasses that let you detect which people are real and which are secretly aliens. You’ve been wearing them for a few months, and so far, you haven’t found a single alien.

“I think they’re broken,” you tell the kid at the Oakley store who sold them to you.

“The aliens have simply upgraded their cloaking devices to prevent themselves from being detected by this kind of lens,” he tells you. “You need to upgrade to this new pair.”

You pay him the $140 and walk out of the store with your newest version of alien detection glasses. The kid and his coworkers laugh at you after you’re gone, wondering how many times they’ll be able to trick you into buying new sunglasses.

As you walk home, you don’t detect any aliens, but you do detect lots of humanoids disguised as ordinary people. You ask one of the robots where they came from and he says government labs. He asks you to keep their existence a secret. You ask it if he knows if there are any aliens around.

“There are no aliens on this planet,” the humanoid says. “If someone sold you alien detection glasses, you got ripped off.”

Pissed, you throw the glasses in the trash. The humanoid offers to help you concoct a plan to murder the kids at the Oakley store without getting caught. You accept his help, grateful that someone still has the humanity to be kind to a lonely old man, even if that someone happens to be not all that human.

Happy Alien Detection Glasses Day!