Sunday, July 31, 2005

Public Display Of Affection Day

Public Display Of Affection Day!

Tonight at the bar, while carrying on a conversation with your friends, pause from time to time to lick your boyfriend's face and forearms.

One of your friends will say, "That's gross."

Tell her, "You're just jealous that no one loves you as much as we love each other."

Your boyfriend will say, "I don't love you that much."

Pull your tongue off of the underside of his elbow, where you were determinedly tickling the letters of the alphabet, and say, "Then what the hell have I been making such a fool of myself in public for all these years?"

He'll say, "You know just what to do with your tongue, and I wouldn't give you up for a million years. See, as you know, my Mom was a big drunk. I was left alone most of my childhood. The two housecats my Mom kept were more motherly to me than she ever was. Many nights, the only bath I got was when they'd lick my face clean. But I never felt a really deep love from either my Mom or those cats. I just really liked the feel of a tongue on my skin. Which is why I enjoy when you lick me so much, though I could do with your tongue being a little more sandpapery."

Say to him, "So I'm just a mother figure for you?"

He'll say, "No. You just remind me of the cats that used to lick my face. Don't ever go."

Your friend will ask him, "What were your cats' names?"

He'll say, "Asshead and Count Lovesalot."

Happy Public Display Of Affection Day!