Wednesday, July 13, 2005

He Sells Extra-Long Silk Ties Day

He Sells Extra-Long Silk Ties Day!

You've agreed to a blind date with your friend's cousin. What you've been told about him is that he looks a little bit like Campbell Scott, he went into AA during college and hasn't had a drink in twelve years, and he sells extra-long silk ties.

"Why?" you asked in response to the extra-long silk tie selling part.

Your friend said, "You think you have room to be choosey? How long has it been? Get real or your gonna end up like one of those old ladies who lives alone in an apartment drenched in pee."

When he walks into the restaurant tonight, he'll shake your hand and sit down across from you. He looks more like Campbell Scott than you allowed yourself to hope.

"My cousin told you about me?" he'll ask.

"A few things," you should say.

"She told you about my occupation?" he'll ask.

You'll nod.

He'll say, "Extra-long silk ties."

You'll nod again.

"A lot of people fall into a lot of different jobs that they're not proud of. How'd I get stuck with extra-long silk ties?" he'll ask the Gods in the sky.

You should show him that you're interested in his work. "Are they for extra-tall people?"

"I don't ask my customers about their private business," he'll say. He's funny.

"How long?" you should ask.

He'll say, "More silk tie than any man should ever want or need."

Say, "How wasteful."

He'll say, "You have no idea."

Your blind date will be going pretty well by that point. Don't blow this, Spinster.

Happy He Sells Extra-Long Silk Ties Day!