Friday, July 08, 2005

Hunt And Kill A Living Thing Day

Hunt And Kill A Living Thing Day!

Yes, if you're in a hurry you can throw on some camouflage pants, sneak up on your rubber tree plant and rip its stalks from its soil. Or, if your cat has been diagnosed with liver failure you can choose to let her die with some dignity by tiptoeing up from behind her and shooting her in the spine. But if you really want to have some fun today, hunt something that you really have a passion to kill. Like that son of a bitch reservations operator at Thrifty Rent-a-Car. Little prick wouldn't give you a weekend rate just because you needed to return the mid-size after 7 PM on a Sunday? Let's see how he feels when a 12-gauge pops out of the bushes and unloads in his face.

The first step is going to be finding out where 1-800 operators for Thrifty Rent-a-Car might actually be situated. He didn't have an accent so they probably haven't outsourced outside of the US yet. However, it's almost certain that their offices aren't located in your city. You're probably going to need to rent a car. Use Hertz or Dollar. If you call Thrifty and he answers, he might be onto your game and burrow under ground.

The next step is going to where he works and waiting for him to reveal his torso in plain view. When you have a good shot, fire off a single round at his chest.

If he drops, go to his carcass and fire another round into the back of his head. Then hoist his body into your truck. Police officers and Samaritans will stop you from taking the body, and you will be arrested and imprisoned perhaps for life. But man, what a rush.

Happy Hunt And Kill A Living Thing Day!